i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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