I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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