you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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