At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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