i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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