i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
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