Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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