i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hippo gnu deer
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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