So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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