you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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