And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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