She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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