I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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