what day is it and did you see me today?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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