did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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