I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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