you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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