My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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