Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize