Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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