Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize