Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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