I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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