he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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