She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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