I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize