haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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