I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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