And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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