WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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