I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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