You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize