so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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