Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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