god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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