matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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