I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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