Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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