So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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