I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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