The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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