so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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