I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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