Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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