dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this will be a night to untag.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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