Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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