Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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