i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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