come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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