Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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